Blessings in a Simple Life
The worst part of this for me is that I have a heart that loves people - all people - instantaneously and deeply. I have a strong desire to make close, deep, intimate friendships that span a lifetime. This disorder, however, prevents me from getting past the acquaintance stage of relationship. This is partly my fault because I, well, avoid people; but it is also because I have yet to find a friend who pursues me past my anxiety. Not being pursued then makes me feel unwanted, then ultimately leads to further anxiety. My move to Boone in 1999 was the point that the vast majority of my early life friendships ended. It was the out of sight out of mind scenario. Since then, my life has felt very lonely.
One of my biggest struggles is talking. In high school, I spent hours on the phone. If I was home, I was on the phone. With S.A.D., phone calls are one of the most daunting tasks for me as an adult. Even worse is talking to someone in person. I have always been better at writing my thoughts than speaking them, but at this point, I have to say that I am as socially awkward as Sheldon on The Big Bang Theory. I have an IQ of 162, but I sound like a bumbling idiot on a regular basis. It is very hard to find people who understand this difficulty and do not leave conversations with me early on. Needless to say, this has increased my struggle.
One reason I have felt the spur to share this is because I have seen posts by fellow Christians that say things along the lines that if you are truly a Christian, it is impossible to suffer from depression or anxiety. I have to say that I have no doubts about my faith in Christ as my Savior and that His grace is sufficient for my sins. I may not have the strongest faith, but a lack of faith is not my "diagnosis". I do believe that the Lord allows for His people to suffer in some ways for their growth. My anxiety may be keeping me from building close relationships, but it has enabled me to be an encourager of others and has helped me build my prayer life. To be honest, I believe it has helped my faith grow stronger because I have been made more aware of my need for Jesus on a minute-by-minute basis than I was before.
I guess I will end by telling you how you can help your friends who have social anxiety disorder.
1. Let them know that you care for them. Regularly.
2. Pursue time with them. They may not answer the phone, but they want you to call. They may make an excuse to not come to an invite, but they want to be invited. Eventually, they will answer and they will come.
3. Start small. They may be comfortable with you, but not you and fifty of your friends. As your co-friendships increase in number, the group might as well. Most people with S.A.D. usually prefer being one-on-one.
4. Encourage them. People with S.A.D. tend to be perfectionists and are their own worst and constant critic. They need to be reminded of their strengths and worth.
5. Don't doubt how real their anxiety is. It feels like drowning. No one enjoys that feeling.
6. Pray for them.
7. Social media is a bear. If they comment on your posts, reply. When you don't, it hurts. Also, if they message you or post on your profile/page/etc., that took a lot of courage and care on their part: view it as a gift and respond likewise.
8. Do your best to not criticize them. This doesn't mean you have to allow them to wrong you in any way, but that you use tact and address issues in a loving way.
9. Be a ray of sunshine in their life. You don't know what triggered their anxiety and it may be something that has left a pretty big wound. If you constantly pour your own troubles out to them, they will absorb your problems, too, which may deepen their wound and increase their anxiety.
10. Don't. Give. Up. On. Them.
