Blessings in a Simple LifeThere are tiny glimpses of miracles everyday in life; I am writing this blog as a way to keep track of the simple joys that God has given me in an ordinary day.
Sunday, September 23, 2007
My whole life I have been told that I was "not good enough". In elementary school, it was the "don't sit next to her, she has a disease" thing. By middle school, it had made me introverted and terrified of others my age. In middle school, I was made fun of for having 34 C boobs and I wasn't exactly rich or cute. High school...well, some of you know about the hurtful e-mail I got yesterday. Heck, I didn't get asked out for my first date until I was just days short of 21. So I have never been "good enough". Wes went through the same thing in a way. He was dislexic, though he did not find out until college, so he was held back twice. Kids made fun of him for being "stupid". His step-family always treated him differently when he was growing up. His dad told him that he never wanted him. Now he is in Law Enforcement and gets dirty looks in church for the ticket he wrote someone Friday night for a DUI. So here we are, two people in their late 20's that are still "not good enough". Church today really ticked me off. One person in particular treated me like crap today, at church and when I saw her out at lunch. Another person would not let her kid hug Abby goodbye Wednesday night and said, "Don't play with her. Her mommy and daddy aren't 'special members'." Whatever that means! Another parent said that she wants her kids to play with certain other kids, not mine, because we are not quite "the same class". I was thinking, "You're right. My husband doesn't get paid anything near what he deserves to work a job that risks his life so judgmental people like you can be safe." So, after today and after the VBS thing in July, I am going to be trying a new church. There are a small handful of people who treat me nicely, and my kids nicely, but a handful gets covered easily by the masses. I just have this nagging going on in my head that it won't be different anywhere else. You know? It was that way at the Christian schools I attended, it was that way at the many different churches I attended in FL and TN, and it was that way at the Christian college I attended. Christians should be the last to treat others like that. It seems to be a nationwide epedimic. Then I remind myself that trials and stepping out of our Christian comfort-zones are the only things that will help us grow in our spiritual walk. So maybe since I am terrified of meeting new people at a new church, it is exactly what we need to do. And I have to consider, I am not going to be on this planet as long as most others and I want my kids to be in a church that will love them enough to make up for my not being here loving them myself. Does that make sense? If my docs are right, my kids will only be in their teens when I go. They need to be somewhere that they will be loved and guided in a biblical manner, especially at that age. And please don't leave comments about the life expectancy bit...I do realize that only God knows when I am to go. And I trust Him to know when it is best. I just need to know we are at a church that will be supportive of Wes and my kids when it happens. I don't need much, but I do need that. I am just wondering why, all of a sudden, I get the stupid e-mail and the yucky church experience just after my critical grandmother left. What am I supposed to be learning here, God? I don't think I am learning much except that my best just isn't good enough for most. How do I make my best better? I have tried for years, and just haven't done it yet. I can almost understand why Wes chooses to be so anti-social. You know, though, I absolutely love people, so anti-social just won't work for me. I think I am going to spend a lot of time in prayer for growth and wisdom.
Posted by Unknown at 7:55 PM
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